Posted in Articles, Blog

Transition Anxiety (Got a new Goal?)

[Author’s note: Apologies to all comments I’ve received to date (30 Jan 2017) and have yet to respond to! I will get to them soon, I promise!]

Written By Benjamin Ngiam

I wrote this in the first week of January 2017 and it’s supposed to be a “New Year Post” but couldn’t get it up till now so here it is, now. Hey can’t blame me for my busy schedule, right?

Besides- it’s never to late to share insights with my fellow brothers and sisters! So let’s get right onto it! Today we will be talking about something which we can all relate to.

A new year will likely mean that you have a new goal / mission to attempt in life.

Perhaps you want to learn how to become a better conversationalist– Good for you!
You take action, talk to friends about it, watch videos and reading books. You feel super excited as you start learning all these new perspectives, ideas and theories on the topic which you’ve never known existed till the greater minds of the past shared their knowledge with you!

Things feel so positive that it seems like you are only a step closer to achieving your goal!

BUT, when it’s time to put things to the test and set out into the real world and apply what you’ve learned? You hesitate. And you resent yourself for it.

Don’t worry. We all go through this process. The process where we are afraid to take action because we do not want to screw things up and risk looking like an incompetent dumbass.

Through this fear, we trap ourselves in our current set of skills and “Level”.

What if you take the leap to try something, fall down and look like the dumbest crash test dummy?

You go through the state of Transition Anxietya state where you are vulnerable.

Think of a caterpillar spinning itself into a cocoon. It’s not going anywhere and is a perfect opportunity for a predator to come over and nab it for lunch.

Now, when the metamorphosis is finally complete and the newly reborn butterfly is crawling out for the first time? It is transitioning into its new life- this is where it is most vulnerable. It doesn’t have its cocoon’s protection anymore, nor has it master it’s new skill to survive.

Talk about easy dinner for predators!


So here’s the thing that most of us don’t realize- when you are going through something new, you will get a chance to go back to that innocent beginners perspective and see things with a new set of eyes.

Yes, you will feel vulnerable and definitely lots of anxiety because of that unpredictable and totally unknown possible outcome that’s “likely going to be negative” and you know what?

If you learn to embrace that feeling with a new perspective to things? You will benefit tremendously from it all. At any time when you find yourself given a chance to learn things from a beginners perspective?

Chances are, you are given the opportunity to evolve. Embrace it and level up. It’s a sign that you are on track and learning something new.

Talk to you again soon champs, hope you’re having a fantabulous new year. Till next time, stay chirpy.

Ciao! 😉

Your pal,
Benjamin

[Today’s Featured image is by Jefferson Clark]

Posted in Articles, Blog

I don’t hate her anymore

Note: This was originally a Guest Post which I’ve written as requested by Nina of thehappylife101.wordpress.com

Written by Benjamin

Hey Champs! Hope you’re doing good!

This will be a summarized story, of my experience in a relationship of 6 years (4 officially, with 2 years of friendship before getting together) with my ex-gf, who’s also my first love (I was hers too, aww ain’t that sweet? XD) and before I go on, I just want to make one thing clear:

Things may have ended badly between us but I sincerely, wholeheartedly, do not hate her for leaving me and making me go through the things I did. Not anymore.

Some of you may think I’m a dumbass for this (Hell, even I do think that I am lol!) but instead of hating her, I actually feel gratitude towards her.

Why? Simply because she taught and showed me the concept of love (Romantically) and even what’s it like to be truly in love with someone.

She taught me what love can be in the form of affection and attention which you’d only see in TV, movies and fairy tales.
She even gave me the experiences which I’ve never known anyone to have gone through before as well. Needless to say, I know I did the same for her.
We shared lots of moments when we told each other we couldn’t believe we’re actually together. Btw, it was a Long Distance Relationship. I’m from Asia and she’s from Europe. Anyway-

We both had our good and bad sides but if you take away the fights we had?
We were perfect for each other like literally, we shared so many common interests, perspectives in life, moral stands and we both even shared the same idea of only having just one partner in life and then getting together and settling down.
Just be each other’s only one. How sweet was that, right?😉

When we were both together, in the years back then- Yes, we may have fights and all but seriously, which couple don’t fight?
Besides, I had some of the happiest days in my life and that statement stays true even today. So I just want you, or her, if she has somehow managed to find this article- to know that I don’t hate her no more. I used to but not anymore. Instead-

I love her for the time and love she’s given me during the years we were together. I loved giving her all my affection, time and efforts in making her feel like the happiest girl alive.

I wholeheartedly love all the lessons and adventures we’ve been through together.
They were fantabulous. I thank her for taking up my offer to come into my world when I told her to (I didn’t ask her to be my gf then, I told her to be and she said yes lol! Isn’t she an amazing gal? XD- P.S. I’m amazing for suggesting it too).

It was an absolutely magical carpet ride- A whole new world for us both and like in a Disney movie, truly out of the world. (Got the reference? High-5!)

Our life experiences together were one of a kind. (Which I’m sure, you and your special one is too)

Funny thing is, there’s this song by Green Day (One of my FAVORITE Rock Band) which I’ve always loved the melody to but never truly understood the lyrics nor why Billie Joe (The Vocalist) was so teared up while playing this song live (In the show I saw on video)-  Until I’ve experienced my own break up and accidentally playing it while going through my old song library on iTunes and let it play till it finished.
I’ve always enjoyed the song with a smile because of the melody while listening but this time, something else happened.

It got me tearing up like Billie Joe. The melody and lyrics hit me hard like a train, pulling all sorts of emotions out of me as I started reliving the beautiful past that I know, will never ever come back nor be reliving ever again.

You might’ve heard of this one as well. It’s called “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)”.

Listen to the song here –> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bTdLi0YUVM

This song to me, its mainly written over the loss of a lover in your life.

Billie Joe wrote it during the period when his girlfriend at the time was leaving him but when we really look at the lyrics, somehow you see that it’s about life in general and everything that’s in it. Not just relationships.

When I heard the song after the fateful break up, that’s when I realize that this song is filled with lines of everlasting wisdom.

“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.”

There will be times when we reach a point in our life where we’re stuck- like a fork in the road, unsure where to go nor what to do next. This might also be the moment when you just stay stuck until time drags you along somewhere. You are not alone, we all go through this one, champ. Stay strong.

“So make the best of this test and don’t ask why.”

I’m sure you can relate already. When we go through an extremely dark period of our life, we often ask ourselves and everyone around us, perhaps even God “Why did this happen? Why is this happening to me?”

But we never get the answer because “It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time.”

There are things in life which we’ll only get the answers to as we live and gain experience with time. When something like this happens, we don’t ask “Why” but just learn from it because the knowledge we gain from it will be for life and it can be used for a bigger purpose such as changing someone else’s life for the better. But ultimately, we must never forget that it can be used to change our own life for the better.

“So take the photographs and still frames in your mind, hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.”
“Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while.”

What I’ve been saying. Memories are something we need to hold onto not only because they are precious moments of your life, but also because they can get you through a lot of things in life and make you realize that “For what it’s worth it was worth all the while.”

You’ve gained so much from them and they are forever yours to keep and reflect upon whenever you need or wish to!

In the end, life itself “It’s something unpredictable but in the end is right.”

There are times when we can control it, there times we can’t. In the end, no matter what happens, it’ll be alright. After the curtain falls, when everything is all over?

“I hope you had the time of your life.”

We all had fun, we’ve suffered through thick and thin together, conquering obstacles and life challenges that came our way and it all ends here and I want you to know now- I’ve had the time of my life doing all those things, experiencing life with you.

So again, thank you, my dear ex-sweetheart. I’m honestly writing this with a smile (Albeit, a bitter sweet feeling in my heart!). If you are reading this, I want you to know that I will never forget you. And I hope you had the time of your life with me and are still having a blast in life right now😉

If you have recently gone through a heartbreak yourself, or are still trying to get over someone or seeking closure- Understand that you will only find peace after you’re able to see a life ahead without the person who’s leaving you or have left you, being a part of it.

Seems impossible but know that life isn’t over with this person gone. In fact, it’s just the beginning!

I know (SHE was MY LIFE so yeah, I know lol!), it’s hard to see and envision a future like that but in time, and with SUPPORT– You will be walking on the path towards your next chapter in life and it WILL be a brighter and happier chapter in your life’s story 😉

I was there. I had so much negative feelings towards her back then when the breakup happened. I hated her then.
But when I realized that the reason to why I hated her so much- Was because I loved her so much? I started asking myself if I’m being fair to her and myself? Was I being fair to our relationship?

Why did I choose to take away all the beautiful moments we shared together?

Just because she’s leaving, I’m going to convince myself to live my life as if we’ve never met and the past which we’ve spent our lives together- It never happened? And I didn’t learn nor gain anything from it?

Well I can do that- IT WAS what I was doing, which obviously isn’t very healthy for me lol.

OR-

I can instead, cherish everything that we did. Everything that we had.
Everything we gave to each other and accept the fact that even though we won’t be getting anything more from each other, we will forever be keeping whatever we’ve given to each other. She gave me all her love just as how I gave her all of mine.

She may be gone and will not be giving any more but it’s okayIt’s okay.

Just like how my friends’ and families’ love that’s being invested in me, her love and mine? It’s all in both our hearts and memories now. And really, that’s okay.

I actually thought of burning all the letters etc she’s given me (Quite a number. LDR, remember?) but in the end, I decided not to because she was a part of my life. I loved that part of my life. I loved her. So much. Okay tearing up lol but it’s all good my friend.

It’s just the moment. Who knows? Perhaps one day I might really have to burn it all because I need to make space for more letters or something in future lol!

There’s so much more into the story but I shall end it here. I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed reading this and actually learned something from it!

Seriously, I hate you and Nina for making me go through this walk down memory lane (Lol just kidding haha!) but I think stories like this- It’s good for the soul. Both yours and mine😉

Okay so before I get going, I just wanna say that if you’re currently going through a difficult time in your life and feel that you need someone to talk to?
You can always email me via doubleyourpresence@gmail.com and share it with me.
I’d love to listen to what you have to talk about.
As I recently started telling ppl on WP these days
“Listening, can do wonders for a damaged soul. Even heal them.”
So share if you feel the need to!

Alternatively, if you want to find similar people such as yourself (Or me lol), with a genuine and sincere heart of helping?
Feel free to check out my blog for our Project BIY and learn more about our mission in making a positive difference in life! If you wish to contribute as well, definitely check in with us!

We’re a new community that’s aiming bring the beautiful side of the human spirit to the world and we’d love to have you join us if you do share our mission and vision of a better world 😉

We got a new forum that’s currently still in it’s testing phase (During the time this article is written anyway) and we’d be excited to have you join in the test if you are keen to as well!
Head on over to meet everyone who’s helping with the test over there!
We got a chatroom installed at the bottom of the forum too😉

Let the kind souls unite and may you keep rocking your world!

Your pal,
Benjamin

Posted in Articles

The Amazing TRUTH about what Attracts & Influences People

What Attracts & Influences?

What is the thing that makes people feel compelled to follow another? Read on to find out!

Written By Benjamin Ngiam

You’ve been there before, I’m sure. You tell yourself that you are not commanding the respect you deserve nor having the attention you deserve because you do not believe that you are worthy of them.

But hey- What if I were to tell you, like Arthur before he grabbed dear ol’ Excalibur off the rock and became King Arthur, you are worthy as well?

What if I were to tell you that NOT ONLY are you worthy enough to have the respect and attention of the people around you- your opinion, your actions, whatever you choose to do, actually matters and you actually mean something to these people around you?

How will you start behaving?

Will you start behaving a little differently from before? Will there be a drastic change? Or maybe no change at all?

I sincerely hope its not the latter.

I’d like to share with you a concept that is rather elusive to most people. Ironically, its a concept that’s always been going on around you but you don’t see it because its just so hard to spot!

When I first decided to make a change in my life, I did what most people would do, I THOUGHT and READ a lot about the topic. I spent a lot of time studying psychology and human behavior just because it fascinates me as I figured that if I can actually understand the reason to why Human Beings behave the way we do, it would really give me a base to work on.

And since I was slowly gaining more and more insights into things, I thought maybe things just aren’t as complex as we thought it to be.
Perhaps we are just making things complicated by believing that it is!

As soon as I took up this new approach, I saw things in a new perspective and started to break things up and oh boy, things became so simple!
In fact, after having this epiphany, I think it is rather logical and obvious on how things works!

During the time when I was trying to understand and putting all the pieces together, I kept doubting myself. I kept telling myself things cannot be THAT simple because if it is, why isn’t everyone doing it?

That was when I realized this:

It’s all about having an ambitious goal in your life. A BIG DREAM.

I had no idea that I would ever be writing about this to help others but what I am sharing with you right now actually took me YEARS to figure out. That is how elusive it is and how incredible and powerful I feel this insight is, even though it just seem so insignificant.

PEOPLE are attracted to individuals that possesses certain QUALITIES and TRAITS. These individuals seem to be radiating “Power”in everything they do. How do they attain these “Powers”? These QUALITIES and TRAITS comes from within. It stemmed from the Ambition these people have.

Think about it!

When you watch your favorite tv show or read your favorite book. What is the thing that makes the main character so compelling that everyone just wants to hang around them?

Fiction aside, lets look at some of the world’s most influential people throughout history such as Martin Luther King, Winston Churchill, Mahatma Gandhi & Adolf Hitler.

Take a look at some of the most influential people you have met and know in your life. People close to you, people around you.

What are the things that they have in common? They all carry something with them.

That something, is called a dream.

What is a dream? I had this conversation with Jeryl (One of my best friend, you might’ve seen me mentioning him around posts 😉 ) before and he said something I which found, to be really insightful.

“A dream, is an unrealistic goal. In order for you to excel in life, you need to aim high. Ridiculously high. If you want to aim for something realistic and achieve-able by most people’s standards, set a goal. If you want to make it big and make a difference? Have a dream and work towards it. Do not let anyone stop you from achieving it. In fact, work on it everyday. Don’t let it stay for too long though. A dream can turn into a nightmare if you wait too long and miss your chance to see it through”.
Jeryl Yep

That said, it is good to be ambitious and have high expectations for yourself. But, does that mean having a dream would be good enough that you don’t have to work on anything else in your life?

Defin-absolutely not!

If you wish to become a respected and influential individual, you have to become a driven man (Or woman) who can not only charge himself and others around him to become driven and motivated in life, you have to ensure that you have the tools to help you keep the energy up. That is when goal comes in.

What is a goal? A goal is a direction for you to move towards. It is something you set your mind on, and strive your best to achieve it.
A goal, is the driving force in your life.
A dream is the seemingly un-achieveable life goal.

When a person has a goal, he starts to achieve things in his life. When he has a dream, he starts to find ways to ensure the dream becomes reality.
As he starts taking actions, things starts to change. As things to starts to change, it starts to affect people’s lives.

That is how people make a difference. No matter how big or small, the difference is going to be there.

I believe we all have the capacity to achieve that. To make a difference.

I believe YOU are capable of this as well.

YOU are capable of achieving things you want in your life.

YOU are able to make a difference.

So think about it now, if you start to commit yourself into being a more driven individual, you start becoming someone who TAKES ACTION.
When others choose to avoid the pressure needed to become the best that they can be, YOU choose to confront the pressure and use it to help you achieve the potential that you can be as a person.

Do physical looks, money, fame etc play a role in how much of a presence or how respected you would be?

Of course. BUT, they are NOT as important as most people who lead you to believe!

To conclude,

  • People are drawn to Individuals who MAKE THINGS HAPPEN
  • Driven Individuals are the ones who takes up the most presence in a room and hence;
  • Driven Individuals are also the most Influential
  • You have the ability to choose make a difference

So DREAM BIG!

This is your life, your story. You are the main character. Let’s fill the rest of the chapters with more amazing story and with a beautiful ending. Let’s start making things happen!

If you got any stories of your own rise over struggles in lifePLEASE SHARE them in the comments and let everyone read it! Be as detailed as you can! Like what issue you had, how did you go about dealing with it and the journey and experience during the tough “Montage” part.
I want everyone to benefit from each others’ life experiences and this is one of the ways we can make a difference in people’s lives 🙂

Do you remember yourself giving advises and helping your close friends and family all those times in the past or maybe even just 20 minutes ago before reading this article?
Now imagine that you can do that WHILE you are asleep as people read your experience and learn something from it or get inspired by it somehow.

Isn’t that awesome? I think it is!

Everyone’s got a story to share so I sincerely hope that you do share yours too.
Don’t be shy! We are all family here so there won’t be any judging 🙂

Talk to you again and hope to hear from you!

Your pal,
Benjamin

[Image featured today is by Crash Symbols]

P.S. Wanna listen to me sharing with you a little secret to life’s happiness? Check out our video on YouTube HERE! It’s not boring, trust me!

Posted in Articles

Benjamin’s 7 Tips to Understanding & Managing Social Anxiety

[This is a continuation from my previous article on “The POWER of Awareness“!]

What is Social Anxiety?

Written By Benjamin Ngiam

In the current day and age, where potential mates and fellow Pokemon masters are being cordoned away from you due to this invisible force-

Social Anxiety has sprouted itself and burst through into becoming of one the world’s leading Social issues. In fact, so much so, that it is now, a rather common term being used but, what exactly is Social Anxiety?

That’s what we’re gonna go sleuthing and find out today 😉

(Note: This is where I’ll usually roll the intro if this is an episode of PBIY TV but hey, I don’t always have time to write and record a script then go google for images and edit them all together now, do I? Feel free to play it in your head here though :-P)

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Hellooo Believers- Alright let’s get on with this!

Let’s break Social Anxiety up into two separate words.

Social   = Communication / Interaction

Anxiety = Constant worry over nothing

When you put them together…

Social Anxiety = Constant worry over nothing during interaction.

I’m sure you have an idea what this means now, don’t you?

Yup, the idea of you talking to a stranger or your crush, has been contaminated with this germ aka Social Anxiety.

And you need the remedy…

Imagine, a life where you don’t experience any Social Anxiety at all when talking to people you’d normally be nervous around (Or be on the verge of a panic attack).

This life sounds good yes?

You bet!

And yes, I am here to sell this ideal future life to you.

The price? YOUR KIDNEY >:D

Just kidding. I want your time to read on AND your commitment to make a Social Anxiety free life a reality! I guess in a way, you can say that I want your heart lol.

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“Fallout 3” gets it. Love the song by ‘The Ink Spots’

 

Living with Social Anxiety

Now, growing up as a socially awkward child (Read my About page) I’ve had my sets of embarrassingly bad experiences. Like one time a girl came up to me, telling me I’m cute and what did I do? I shyly looked away and walked off. SERIOUSLY LOL. My heart shattered afterwards hahahah. Poor young me.

Fortunately, I learned from my mistakes and I learned A LOT from them. And I’m about to share them with you.

One of the most important thing that I’ve learned on how to deal with Social Anxiety is acquiring the understanding to all the negative things that we imagine in our head:

  • Like the bad hollywood-style rejection clips that keeps playing in loop over and over in your head?
  • They are just irrational thoughts- Generated by our brains’ / ego’s defense mechanism, to prevent ourselves from going through with an alien experience, which might cause us to fail and get hurt. (Click here to watch our video on FEAR!)

If you can understand how Social Anxiety works and actually hammer it deep down into your outlook in life? You’d pretty much be free of it.

Then again, life is only available in “Hard” mode so it’s not as easy as it sounds to achieve that! So, in order to help you attain that level of Anxiety-Coping Mastery, here are 7 tips to assist you in your quest!

Benjamin’s 7 Tips to Understanding and Managing Social Anxiety:

  1.  Be Aware of Your Behavioral Pattern
  2.  Make a Decision to bring about Change
  3. Cognitive Assurance
  4. Gather Intel for War
  5. Retrospection
  6. Social Support
  7. Persevere

1. Be Aware of Your Behavioral Pattern

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Observe your own behavior and ask yourself, is the current behavioral pattern (Or lifestyle) you have in your life at this present moment beneficial to you?

Is it encouraging Social Anxiety or discouraging it?

Eg:

Whenever you are in close proximity with a stranger, assuming you are usually wishing that you’d be able to strike up a conversation with anyone without engaging panic mode,
you’d choose to turn and walk away due to your constant worry on possibly saying the wrong things and be perceived as a jackass.

The act of always turning away and diving under a table (Not literally I hope!) to avoid being in any social contact due to your fear of interaction is not a healthy behavior to help you cope with your anxiety and definitely not a good behavioral pattern to cling onto.

Why? Let’s look at it this way…

If you keep putting yourself out of sight and away from danger, you will never grow and learn to confront them.

Do you think you’d be able to manage the many challenges that you’d be facing in future if you keep running away from your problems?

You might be able to, actually. But even if you do, it’ll probably not be as well-managed as compared to if you’ve been putting yourself out there to face those issues and learn to deal with them and try to steer things towards the direction you want.

2. Make a Decision to bring about Change

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After being conscious and aware of your problems, you got to accept that there is actually an issue here that needs to be resolved and you have to make a decision to do something about it.

That said, you got to start taking action before things can happen because nobody is going to do it for you.

Also, nobody is going to spoon feed you with any help as well, especially when you are not even doing anything to let others know you wish to be fed so, if you feel that you need someone’s help, be sure to work on it yourself first and then ask for support.

Notice that they are your Support, NOT Problem-Solver!

Nothing will help with your Social Anxiety issue until you decide to do something about it yourself.

Confucius say:
“The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”

The mountain is never going to move if you don’t start so start by taking the first step, no matter how small it may seem.

A change in mindset results in a change in behavior which may then yield… Well, results. Awesome.

3. Cognitive Assurance

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Isn’t it amazing that we can gain insights & knowledge in life from fictional work as well?

Awareness of what you are up against isn’t enough. You got to have the conviction to be able to assure yourself that you are going to see things through.

Keep reminding yourself why you can make things happen and why is it so important that there has to be a change in your current reality.

Whenever you feel uncertain or in doubt, try to convince yourself otherwise. Either assure yourself that things will go according to plan or, tune down the effect of the consequence in your mind.

One of the best ways to do this is to consider the extreme ends of things and imagine them actually happening that way.

  • If things are going to be positive, isn’t it great to be living in this outcome? Isn’t it possible that this can actually become YOUR REALITY?
  • If its negative, how bad is it, really? Can you do anything about it to make things better?
  • If you feel that it is ‘Hopeless’, ask yourself “Whats the worst that could happen?

Eg:

You want to talk to your crush but you’re too afraid to.
Why? What’s the worst that could happen?

Assuming that you do try and you get rejected, hey, life goes on. You’re still alive and guess what, there are still plenty of fishes in the sea. Just because one doesn’t like your bait, doesn’t mean others don’t either (I’d like to thank my friend, Jer, for always using fishing as an analogy in life lol).

Besides, that current crush you got probably isn’t exactly someone worth your time if he/she doesn’t see you worthy of theirs anyway. Chances are, there’s someone else better for you out there so keep hunting, hunter 😉

We usually perceive bad situations to be ‘Hopeless’ no matter how significant/ insignificant the situation really is and that is because it is so much more easier to confront life issues with!

By telling and assuring yourself “Oh I can’t do anything about this”, you can just quit and stop worrying about having to work on an issue that require lots of time and effort to resolve.

Now, notice how COGNITIVE ASSURANCE works like a double-edged weapon?

  • If you wish to be successful, you can assure yourself that things can be if you do something and work towards it OR;
  • You can tell yourself that things have already gone to hell and you can’t do anything about it, which you’d be right as well and just let it be.

Assure failure or success in you, it’s your choice. Personally, I prefer the latter.

So, the next time you want to talk to someone but you are too nervous to and want to chicken out, just ask yourself “Really, what’s the worse that could happen?”

It’s not like someone strapped a bomb on you that’d go off if you opened your mouth to speak to your person of interest… Right..? That actually just reminded me of a scene in American Dad

4. Gather Intel for War

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“Failing to plan is planning to fail”

Like in Dragonball Z, what Piccolo said to Goten and Trunks when they were up against a mighty killing monster, Majin Buu:
“Every battles won didn’t happen with just brute strength. It was with planning”.

As with every battles in history that has occurred, understanding what you are up against is definitely the best way to source for and come up with a master plan to win.

You, reading up on the issue itself right now, is already one way of Information Gathering! Kudos to you for making progress, soldier! 😉

Other examples for Intel Gathering includes watching documentaries / TV shows on Social Anxiety and studying them, doing research on books, discussion with friends for their thoughts and insights etc.

Did you know that you can strengthen bonds and relationships when you’re facing an issue together with someone else? Use this to help you strengthen your friendships as you tackle the issue together and at the same time, learn more about each other’s character and problem solving attitude. Sweet.

5. Retrospection

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Simply put, Reflection of your past.

According to the Founder of Psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, all of our behaviors and mindset stemmed from our past experience.

I totally agree with that, don’t you?

Eg:

Why do you eat? You’ve learned in the past when you were an infant, that eating (Or drinking milk at the time) satisfies the negative hungry feeling coming from your stomach and hence, you engage in food searching behavior now whenever you are hungry, to fill your tummy.

So why are you afraid of interacting with people? It’s something you got to dive deep inside your mind and discover it yourself as you explore the mysteries of YOU- Your true Self, and your past.

If you can find the root of your problems, you can resolve the inner conflict that you have contained inside you MUCH quicker.

6. Social Support

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I love FRIENDS- And my Friends!

Friends can teach us so many things. Plus, they make our life feel like it’s a sitcom!

Either have your current circle of network (Friends/Family) to support you in your endeavors, or find people similar to you out there somewhere and support each other!

Human Beings are very social creatures. We thrive in communities and groups with the same mindset- Though not everyone is consciously aware of that!

But, you are conscious of it now so I hope you have a good network of people to go to for support. If not, put yourself out there and start looking!

You will NEVER find some good network by sitting around and DOING NOTHING. A little Ben’s Wisdom (Bendom? Bend em! XD):
“One does not simply find water for flowers without first seeking it.”

You might even find a fountain if you do try! In the context of meeting new people?

Eg:
You got access to the internet. You can start looking at the communities here in WordPress (Everyone I’ve met so far here are all pleasant & wonderful!), and even in other community sites such as forums and etc for new network of Social Support. [Which is actually what I’m trying to create here on Project BIY ;-)]

If all else fail and you feel that you truly need some advice? Feel free to email me and I’ll do my best to help you!

People are well connected everywhere in this current digital day and age. You just need to know where your kind of people (Similar mindset) are hanging out at.

Gamers hangs out in the gaming community and LAN shops.
Students hangs out in cafes and libraries.
You get the idea.

7. Persevere

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“Once you choose hope, anything is possible” – Christopher Reeve

This one is a cliche but hey, if it doesn’t work, it wouldn’t have ended up being such a cliche, right?

Persevere. Stand and fight till the end. Don’t give up. Once you give up, that’s when you’ve truly lost.

Commitment is key here and one way to help you keep in touch with your Inner Fighter while training yourself to become a more respected, seasoned and admired Individual without any Social Issues, is to set realistic goals and work towards them as you try to achieve your dream.

Don’t you dare give up on yourself when others have yet to give up on you.

I swear, I WILL come over and slap you awake PERSONALLY if you do.

Don’t make me do it.

“Restructuring” vs “Miracle Cure”

You’ve probably noticed by now, my 7 Tips are more of a long term “Restructuring” solution rather than a on-the-spot, short-term “Miracle Cure“.

This is because it really takes time to perform a system overhaul of your Individuality to remove that “Virus” in your motherboard and… There is no such things as a “Miracle Cure“.

Regardless, I know you will need all the help you can get in this area of your social life so…

To help you deal with this issues during your journey in “Restructuring“, here are some direct ways to approach your anxiety during the heat of the moment which you can apply immediately to see some changes:

  • Breathing
  • Take slow and controlled deep breaths to allow more oxygen flow into your brain.
  • Controlled breathing allows you to control your heart beat rate and enrich oxygen in your bloodstream, which can help calm you down, let you think and access the situation more calmly and effectively.
  • Panicking is just a recipe for disaster. Don’t go there.
  • Relax
  • Conscious muscle relaxation. Tensing up won’t help.
  • Try to relax as much as you can.
  • A calm state of mind and body is the best way to confront issues.
  • Adapt
  • Be open and ready to change, learn to adapt.
  • Human Beings are masters in adaption. If we are thrown in a desert, we learn to figure a way out to build/find shelter to survive the scorching sun, hunt for food and find water to sustain our physiological needs.
  • You have this innate ability to survive in you as well. You just need to hone it into mastery.
  • Get familiar with the situation fast so that you will feel right at home and not like you’re in an alien spaceship. This helps you to stay calm as you know where the exits are and which plan to execute for specific situation.
  • Self-Encouragement
  • Use Self-Encouraging Imageries to assure yourself things aren’t as bad as they seem to be.
  • Confidence
  • Learn to be more Confident
    If you are confident in yourself, you will not be bothered much at all with things like Anxiety.

So that’s it for today’s post! What do you think of this article?

I’m able to write this partly because I had this problem as well in the past and it was quite severe lol so if you have dealt with Social Anxieties before in the past and you’d like to share your story as well? Please do so! It will benefit everyone as we learn from each other’s experiences 😉

Let us hear what you have to say in the comments section below!

Your Pal,
Benjamin Ngiam


Got extra time to spare?
Did you know that you can have Sherlock Holmes’ superhuman-like perception as well? Checkout the article on The POWER of Awareness;
OR

Watch our latest video about Fear- Where we learn about WHAT exactly is Fear, why are we attracted to it and if it is good for us?

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It makes my day to know that there are people such as you, reading my stuff and finding them beneficial to your life. A click from you can help push me to go even further . Cheers 😉