Posted in Articles

The Amazing TRUTH about what Attracts & Influences People

What Attracts & Influences?

What is the thing that makes people feel compelled to follow another? Read on to find out!

Written By Benjamin Ngiam

You’ve been there before, I’m sure. You tell yourself that you are not commanding the respect you deserve nor having the attention you deserve because you do not believe that you are worthy of them.

But hey- What if I were to tell you, like Arthur before he grabbed dear ol’ Excalibur off the rock and became King Arthur, you are worthy as well?

What if I were to tell you that NOT ONLY are you worthy enough to have the respect and attention of the people around you- your opinion, your actions, whatever you choose to do, actually matters and you actually mean something to these people around you?

How will you start behaving?

Will you start behaving a little differently from before? Will there be a drastic change? Or maybe no change at all?

I sincerely hope its not the latter.

I’d like to share with you a concept that is rather elusive to most people. Ironically, its a concept that’s always been going on around you but you don’t see it because its just so hard to spot!

When I first decided to make a change in my life, I did what most people would do, I THOUGHT and READ a lot about the topic. I spent a lot of time studying psychology and human behavior just because it fascinates me as I figured that if I can actually understand the reason to why Human Beings behave the way we do, it would really give me a base to work on.

And since I was slowly gaining more and more insights into things, I thought maybe things just aren’t as complex as we thought it to be.
Perhaps we are just making things complicated by believing that it is!

As soon as I took up this new approach, I saw things in a new perspective and started to break things up and oh boy, things became so simple!
In fact, after having this epiphany, I think it is rather logical and obvious on how things works!

During the time when I was trying to understand and putting all the pieces together, I kept doubting myself. I kept telling myself things cannot be THAT simple because if it is, why isn’t everyone doing it?

That was when I realized this:

It’s all about having an ambitious goal in your life. A BIG DREAM.

I had no idea that I would ever be writing about this to help others but what I am sharing with you right now actually took me YEARS to figure out. That is how elusive it is and how incredible and powerful I feel this insight is, even though it just seem so insignificant.

PEOPLE are attracted to individuals that possesses certain QUALITIES and TRAITS. These individuals seem to be radiating “Power”in everything they do. How do they attain these “Powers”? These QUALITIES and TRAITS comes from within. It stemmed from the Ambition these people have.

Think about it!

When you watch your favorite tv show or read your favorite book. What is the thing that makes the main character so compelling that everyone just wants to hang around them?

Fiction aside, lets look at some of the world’s most influential people throughout history such as Martin Luther King, Winston Churchill, Mahatma Gandhi & Adolf Hitler.

Take a look at some of the most influential people you have met and know in your life. People close to you, people around you.

What are the things that they have in common? They all carry something with them.

That something, is called a dream.

What is a dream? I had this conversation with Jeryl (One of my best friend, you might’ve seen me mentioning him around posts 😉 ) before and he said something I which found, to be really insightful.

“A dream, is an unrealistic goal. In order for you to excel in life, you need to aim high. Ridiculously high. If you want to aim for something realistic and achieve-able by most people’s standards, set a goal. If you want to make it big and make a difference? Have a dream and work towards it. Do not let anyone stop you from achieving it. In fact, work on it everyday. Don’t let it stay for too long though. A dream can turn into a nightmare if you wait too long and miss your chance to see it through”.
Jeryl Yep

That said, it is good to be ambitious and have high expectations for yourself. But, does that mean having a dream would be good enough that you don’t have to work on anything else in your life?

Defin-absolutely not!

If you wish to become a respected and influential individual, you have to become a driven man (Or woman) who can not only charge himself and others around him to become driven and motivated in life, you have to ensure that you have the tools to help you keep the energy up. That is when goal comes in.

What is a goal? A goal is a direction for you to move towards. It is something you set your mind on, and strive your best to achieve it.
A goal, is the driving force in your life.
A dream is the seemingly un-achieveable life goal.

When a person has a goal, he starts to achieve things in his life. When he has a dream, he starts to find ways to ensure the dream becomes reality.
As he starts taking actions, things starts to change. As things to starts to change, it starts to affect people’s lives.

That is how people make a difference. No matter how big or small, the difference is going to be there.

I believe we all have the capacity to achieve that. To make a difference.

I believe YOU are capable of this as well.

YOU are capable of achieving things you want in your life.

YOU are able to make a difference.

So think about it now, if you start to commit yourself into being a more driven individual, you start becoming someone who TAKES ACTION.
When others choose to avoid the pressure needed to become the best that they can be, YOU choose to confront the pressure and use it to help you achieve the potential that you can be as a person.

Do physical looks, money, fame etc play a role in how much of a presence or how respected you would be?

Of course. BUT, they are NOT as important as most people who lead you to believe!

To conclude,

  • People are drawn to Individuals who MAKE THINGS HAPPEN
  • Driven Individuals are the ones who takes up the most presence in a room and hence;
  • Driven Individuals are also the most Influential
  • You have the ability to choose make a difference

So DREAM BIG!

This is your life, your story. You are the main character. Let’s fill the rest of the chapters with more amazing story and with a beautiful ending. Let’s start making things happen!

If you got any stories of your own rise over struggles in lifePLEASE SHARE them in the comments and let everyone read it! Be as detailed as you can! Like what issue you had, how did you go about dealing with it and the journey and experience during the tough “Montage” part.
I want everyone to benefit from each others’ life experiences and this is one of the ways we can make a difference in people’s lives 🙂

Do you remember yourself giving advises and helping your close friends and family all those times in the past or maybe even just 20 minutes ago before reading this article?
Now imagine that you can do that WHILE you are asleep as people read your experience and learn something from it or get inspired by it somehow.

Isn’t that awesome? I think it is!

Everyone’s got a story to share so I sincerely hope that you do share yours too.
Don’t be shy! We are all family here so there won’t be any judging 🙂

Talk to you again and hope to hear from you!

Your pal,
Benjamin

[Image featured today is by Crash Symbols]

P.S. Wanna listen to me sharing with you a little secret to life’s happiness? Check out our video on YouTube HERE! It’s not boring, trust me!

Posted in Articles

The Surprising Truth Behind Fear & Fear of Interaction

Are you afraid of the dark?

When we talk about fear, the creepy crawlies comes to mind. But have you ever wondered if there’s anything more to it than just the surface of things? Perhaps there’s a link between these sorts of fear with the fear of interaction?

Written By Benjamin Ngiam

When people hear or talk about the things that sends chills up their spine, they will inevitably, start to experience distress and may also experience a little episode of paranoia.

For example:
Once a person who is Arachnophobic (Terrified of spiders) hears a mention of the critter, he or she would start to wonder if there’s one looming around somewhere around them, waiting for a perfect opportunity to ambush them.

That is an example of how fear can affect a person. But have you actually asked yourself “What exactly is fear?”

Fear, is the stress and emotion that we experience when exposed to specific alien or unknown Stimuli / Things.
Fear can also arise, when we feel threatened or when we perceive danger, which would then bring up our Fight-or-Flight Response, to either confront the threat and fight, or avoid it and run.

fight-or-flight

Fear, if not managed properly, can overwhelm us and cause us to panic and in extreme cases, even freeze up and paralyze in fear. But interestingly enough, as bad and unwanted this emotion is, it can also be helpful in allowing us to know how to perceive threats (What is dangerous) and differentiate friends from foe (Who is dangerous).

So, now that you got a little more knowledge on what fear is and some of its effects, I wanna ask you this other question…

Have you ever wondered where do our Fears come from?
What’s the origin?
Chances are, you have got a story to tell now, about a specific fear or phobia that you currently possess but have you ever wondered how did that specific story / incident changed you and made you look at THAT specific thing differently?

Here is an interesting fact…

Have you ever noticed this- You don’t have to get bitten by a snake before to be afraid of one when you see it.

You could’ve heard from a friend or watched a documentary on tv about what happens when a snake bites you and hence, you developed a fear for snakes. But why is that?

I remember asking a friend, who is really scared of dogs, why is he so afraid of them and he told me he didn’t know. He just is.

Of course, that answer wasn’t exactly one that I found to be satisfactory so, I probed a little more with his consent and I found out something…

Now, though it may sound silly but there ARE people out there who are GENUINELY TERRIFIED of canines (Even the cute and cuddly ones. Aww…) and will start to get a panic attack in their mind when placed in the same room as one (Such as my buddy) and that is because of this process called CONDITIONING.

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Like you with the snakes, they have somehow, gotten the information somewhere, that dogs are dangerous and life threatening creatures which they should avoid at all cost no matter what or they might get their limbs chewed off as a chew toy… Or something like that.

After hearing that, they started surfing the net on dogs chewing people’s limbs off and they actually find some evidence of it happening which of course, reinforces the idea and fear in their mind.
Hence they became so afraid (Who can blame them?).

They got CONDITIONED to be afraid of dogs. They LEARNED to be afraid of dogs.
We learn to be afraid of something because we associate the specific bad experience that we/others have on the specific stimuli and applied it to ourselves to prevent us from having to go through the same bad experience.

So what does this have to do with Fear of Interaction?

Well, believe it or not, many years ago, I was very afraid of being near or in the same space with another human being whom, I’ve never met before. Lol seriously, I will never, ever get myself in a situation where I have to communicate with a stranger and should I be put in one? I would do my best to wriggle my way out of it. Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle- Yeah!

But one day, after spending so many years of being in those frustrating situations, I’ve finally decided to do something about it and get to the bottom of it all. I started asking myself “Why am I so afraid of talking to strangers?”

This Fear couldn’t have just formed itself inside of me for no good reason. There has to be a root for the source.

After spending many of my days in the past screening through internet articles, flipping through books in the library and countless hours of introspection, I came to this realization…

  • I wasn’t actually afraid of talking to strangers because they are strangers.
  • I wasn’t afraid of approaching them because they look “mean” or “scary”.
  • And I certainly wasn’t afraid because of the fact that I have no idea what to say to those people (Surprisingly).

I was actually afraid of the outcome, where I would get rejected by the person who I attempt to strike up a conversation with!
I never realized this before at the time but, it was precisely because I was so afraid, that I actually panic whenever I think about attempting to talk to strangers, which, would always result in me giving up and walking away dejectedly with a blank speech bubble floating around my head.

I realized that I got this idea somewhere when I was a kid in which, if you talk to strangers whom you do not know, they will ignore you or perceive you as a weirdo for trying to start a conversation with them and eventually, tell you to go away and leave them alone.
I was conditioned back then, to view things the way I did. I know, I was a sad kid 😦

That was when I found out that I wasn’t afraid of people, nor the act of trying to talk to a stranger BUT the Fear of Rejection.

Because I was so desperate to get the approval of others in the past, I chose not to talk to anyone out of the fear that they will label me as the weird one for being “Different” and reject me from being a part of society. Sad truth was, I was actually labelled as weird for being quiet. Talk about irony.

Obviously, it wasn’t a very fun experience.

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Those with social issues as well. You are not alone. Keep up the good fight!

Fear of Interaction

There are many kinds of fears and phobias but I chose to discuss about the Fear of Rejection / Interaction because this issue, in my opinion, plagues quite a large population of the Human species and it actually plays a very vital role for a Human Being in his/her life because in order for them to be able to function optimally in their daily routine, they NEED to have a stable and positive social life.

In extreme cases, people who have a very negative social life actually feel isolated and alone, which increases the risk of suicide.
This just shows how crucial and important Socializing is to us Humans. We are Social Creatures after all.

Elusive to most, on the surface, this Fear of Interaction will probably look like nothing but a small case of shyness BUT, when you dwell deeper into it, what you find can actually surprise you.

Just as how I have “learned” in the past, to be quiet so that I can be accepted in society, most people who are “Shy”, actually wish for nothing more than to be able to be accepted and become part of the social clique.

Chances are:

  • They just have no idea how to get themselves invited into be part of the group OR;
  • In extreme cases, they may have experienced a specific traumatic experience at one point in their life which caused them to behave the way they are at the present moment.
    Perhaps they were physically abused by an older masculine Male figure before and this person now, harbors the idea that every single masculine Male are sadistic people wearing a mask and hiding their true intentions until they see an opportunity to strike.

It’s tragic but this actually happen.

Let’s look at things in another perspective.
Have you ever witnessed or heard of a situation where a child is afraid of going to the playground to play with the other children?
Why is it that the kid does not wish to be near the playground?

  • It could be that he is shy because he does not know how to get himself to be integrated into part of the “Playgroup” OR;
  • He was once, bullied in the playground and hence, where other children view the playground as a fun place to play and hang around with other kids, the traumatized kid see it as nothing more than just a horror spot where he can never be safe in.

Imagine now, the kid refuses to go to the playground. He also, does not socialize much, even in school.
It is very likely that he would have troubles with his social skills in future, which would likely lead him to start having self-confidence and esteem issues, which would in turn, lead to many other life problems that he would have to learn to manage with such as not being able to pass job interviews because he wasn’t able to present himself to be as capable as the other competing job hunters despite actually being better at performing in the job than them.

I haven’t even touch on relationship issues yet and you can tell how bad things can be if a part of an Individual’s social life isn’t settled.

Before I end things off, I would like to add some last few points below.


Additional Notes:

  • One does not have to be isolated BY OTHERS to feel alone.
  • One can PERCEIVE THEMSELVES to be alone and isolated from others even when he/she has family and friends who cares about them but just don’t seem to understand his/her feelings and situation.

Needless to say, individuals who are experiencing this tend to contemplate suicide because they just don’t feel understood and accepted.

Sad truth is, some actually commits it.

I remember when I was younger and was in similar situation. It was not a very nice experience to go through.
The feeling that nobody in the world seem to know nor understand what you are going through and you just feel alone and hopeless.

Hence, I am sharing this with you. We can equip ourselves with more knowledge which can help us detect signs of calls for help by these people who are suffering in silence and go to them when they need someone, before they do something that can’t be undone.

Together we can make a difference and shine a light on other people’s life! Especially those who are in the darkest period of their life. Like how I used to bring a torch to my dad in the dark. You can say I brought the light to him in his darkest hours, eh? 😉

Thanks for taking your time to read as always.
I hope this has been as interesting and educative of a post that I have hope it to be for you.

If you like this post, please consider clicking on one of the share buttons below to share it.

Till the next post, I hope you have an incredible Fear-free weekend ahead!

Your Friend,
Benjamin Ngiam


Enjoyed the article?
Hope you found it useful and use it to fulfill your life mission!
If you are interested about us and what we do, feel free to checkout these links below:

Our FIRST Video is live on YouTube! Check it out here!

Or watch our video about FEAR!

For more info on this Project, check out Project Believe In Yourself.
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Hope to see you there, Champ!

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Posted in Articles

The POWER of Awareness

Awareness is KEY

Ever wonder how Sherlock Holmes became one of the world’s most famous (Fictional) Detective? Yup, by watching people. Creepy, isn’t it?

[Note: If I’ve yet to respond to your Community Pool’s review request, don’t worry! I will get to it soon 🙂 This post is scheduled for release which means if I’ve yet to respond to you, I’m still unavailable!]

Written by Benjamin Ngiam

Chances are, you have been socializing around for what… Your whole life?

Have you ever stopped to observe and notice how people behave around you?
How they carry and present themselves to everyone?

What about their response towards your behavior?
Whenever you do something, would their reactions be positive or negative?

You’ve probably never actually been conscious nor aware about this being of any importance and hence, you’ve never cared that much about the behavior of others.

I mean, so what if I tell my buddy he looks stupid when he got all dressed up for a date and he got all upset over it?
Sure, he is upset at me for now but we’ll be back sharing stupid stories and ripping on each other’s flaws again after a few days like nothing bad had actually happened.

sherlock_moustache_by_sabinzie-d7258li

Not exactly a bad thing since things may still go back to normal BUT, what if I tell you, that if you start observing people and analyze their behavior before you do or say anything, you might actually GAIN something from it?

Let me elaborate…

When you start to observe people, you start to take note and become aware of how they behave. This gives you an idea on what they are like, what kind of personality traits they possess and what kind of behavior they may exhibit.
The way they stand, walk, talk, how they look at the people around them, as well as how they hold their facial expressions.
Yes, even the way they smile is critical here. 

Another interesting fact, did you know that the way a person blinks (Speed, pattern, etc) can convey specific message as well?

Yes you do, you just didn’t realize it till I brought it up here. A typical yet, elusive example? A wink. 😉


Let’s become one of the X-Men… Or Spiderman

When you start to become aware of people’s behavior around you, you can start to PREDICT what they are like and what they MIGHT do, which gives you the ability and edge to adjust your behavior and react accordingly before things happen. It also gives you some time to plan things in advance.
This may prevent mishaps or any other negative consequences from happening and sometimes, even create a good positive outcome.

An example,
You see your friend from afar and you plan to go greet him with you guys’ usual “Hi-Five” (Or a headbutt if that’s you guys’ thing) BUT, you notice that he is with his girlfriend, whom, you’re not close to.

Now, it is clear that they are having a conversation.

What would happen if you just went in and headbutt greet your buddy without first, assessing the situation and observing the couple’s behavior?

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What if you are this Jackass? What if you are one of the couple?

First, you would be perceived as rude for interrupting and invading into people’s conversation.
How would you like it if someone just jump in and interrupt you while you’re in the middle of sharing a story of how your dog amazingly managed to get its paws on your pie that was left on top of the refrigerator to someone?

Second, if the couple’s mood were actually sore (Maybe they just had a fight), you butting in like this may actually cause a rise in tension as the girlfriend may feel neglected by her boyfriend and wants him to give her his attention when they are in an argument.

Yet, you just came in and swooped all that from her…

Obviously, she is NOT ONLY going to resent you for that, she is also going to want to strangle the life out of her boyfriend for actually allowing you to do that. Not exactly something you’d want to be responsible for as a good friend…

If you actually assessed the situation, analyzed and determined that it is not alright for you to go in and say “Hi”?
You would be able to save some issues from rising and give yourself the chance to still being able to set a good first impression as a good friend to your friend’s girlfriend in future meeting and not be perceived as a total jackass.

So, the above are just some of the benefits of having your “Awareness Radar” switched on and I’m sure you can think of other benefits for it since you are now aware of it as well.

Basically, just by being AWARE, you can prevent negative consequences and possibly create a good outcome if you actually take your time to observe the people around you.

In other words, it pays to actually be aware of behavior (Of both others, and your own).

Besides, when you PREDICT a behavior and actually get it right, you get to experience what it’s like to be a mind-reader… Or if you are into X-Men, a cool super mutant 😉

But of course, don’t go overboard and get obsessed with it. Nothing is ever good in excess.

Being overly obsessed with this aspect of your social life may lead to social anxiety, which makes you worry about everything that you/others do. We don’t want that, obviously.

If you got issues with Social Anxiety, check out “My 7 Tips on how to cope with Social Anxiety“!

I look forward to hearing your stories on how you are going to use this newly acquired “Spider-Sense” 😉

Your Pal,
Benjamin


Enjoyed the article?
Hope you found it useful and use it to fulfill your life mission!

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Hope to see you there, Champ!

 

Posted in Articles

A SECRET in the “Self” Issues

A SECRET in the “Self” Issues

Read about the real the reason behind you feeling like a failure in life.

Written By Benjamin Ngiam

In life, we like to tell ourselves that we are okay. We are fine.

We especially LOVE to convince ourselves that everything is fine when it is related to an issue which we would rather avoid than confront.

Example,
You are not good with meeting strangers or new people and making new friends. Imagine now, you are now left inside a rather enclosed empty room with nothing but a sofa to sit on. You proceed to sit down.

Then, people you don’t know starts entering the room. They start occupying the space, some sitting beside you, others standing around. You can feel everyone’s eyes on you, even if they might not be looking at you, you just seem to feel their “Gaze”.

Something familiar starts happening.

You start to feel your heart thumping HARD at your chest.
Your palm starts to sweat as your heart rate increases along with your anxiety. Your mind starts flinging images and playing video clips of every worse case scenario that your suddenly-fabulously-imaginative mind can come up with.

What happens next?

You begin to give into the “Jedi” Mind-trick of your own (Or should I say “Sith”?) and succumb to your own pessimistic and self-defeating prophecy.

Now, you start telling yourself:
“Oh God, I have not a single clue on how to start talking to anyone… I’ll just act like nobody is around and everything will be fine. Just let it be. Ignore these people and soon, they will all go away. They all do eventually…”

And guess what? You are right. They do eventually. What happens then?

You stuck with this mentality, which eventually becomes a habit (Without you realizing it) that whenever you have a problem, you can just leave it alone and they will “Go away” by themselves.

Now… Here comes the kicker.

You start to do that with EVERY PROBLEM that you face.

Slowly, but surely, you begin to feel incompetent because you just can’t seem to do things right.
You start to doubt your own capabilities. You start to question yourself on every choices and decisions you make in life.
Due to all of this, you start to avoid doing things because if you don’t do anything at all, you won’t fail in anything, right?

How can there be failure when there is no chance of it happening at all? You don’t realize this but its precisely because you stopped doing anything, you start to feel like you are not accomplishing anything in your life.

Then…

YOU START TO FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.

Each time you tell yourself that things are fine when it is not and you actually CONVINCE yourself that it is? You slip a little closer into the abyss, which is known to us all as “Denial”.

You don’t feel that this approach towards your problem is anything dangerous because it just seem so harmless (And reliving) but when you start analyzing it, in reality, you are actually playing chicken with a train whenever you do that.

Dangerous game indeed.

I want you to realize this now and help get you off the track before you go any further in and get hit by the train.

The harsh truth is, most of the time, you actually know that you are moving towards a train. You know that your current choice of action/decisions towards your ongoing problem is a self-destructing one and yet, you refuse to accept that there is a problem in your life and choose to remain passive about it.

Your instincts are telling you to do something about the direction where you are headed towards and get off but you know all too well that it will take considerable amount of effort and possibly even some emotional trauma to steer yourself off the current track.
So you convince yourself everything is okay because it is the easiest way to deal with things.

We all dislike to deal with issues we have in our lives.
Especially the ones that REALLY seem to be eating us up on the inside.

But I’m sure you know it deep down as well…

The more a problem seem to be eating you up on the inside, the more attention you need to pay to it and the more effort you got to put into it in order to see it resolved.

It is hard but when we are presented with a life problem, we have to do something about it.

Avoid the train. Not your instincts nor your own intellect’s awareness and apprehension on the situation you are in.
They are the reason why you are still alive and reading this article.

If you kill your own ability to confront and manage your life problems, you kill the image you have of yourself. In other words…

Your mind holds both the Poison and  the Remedy.


So ask yourself now:

  • Are there any issues, in which, you are currently avoiding at the moment?
  • Do you think it would be better to face them and steer the direction of how things are going now to another direction?

We might be crashing and burning like a race car that just got tossed off course after a bad collision with another racer but we can still do something about it to save ourselves instead of just taking the easy way out by letting things run its course and allow things to go from bad to worse.

That’s all for today! Thanks for reading as always.

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Benjamin Ngiam

For more articles like this, visit Project Believe In Yourself.

[Image featured today in this article is by Randy Boice.]